Saturday, December 27, 2008

Sometimes it hits me harder than other times. I miss her A LOT. She was
once the only image under the title Wife. But now there is nothing
there, even the title has disappeared.

Sometimes the little things hurt, the simple words that just a friend
wud say to another. Gosh am I just being sensitive, I hate periods!

I will stop though, this balancing act of tryin to be more than a friend
and less than a gf has to stop. Easier said than done.....

Monday, December 22, 2008

Just Pondering

For awhile now, I have been having the Mommy Blues. I am young, yet I
find myself sighing when my friends post pictures of their own children.
I never was one to want children when I was younger, I thought them an
absolute waste of money and completely pointless. Now, as I see the
little bundle of joys to all my young mother friends, I wonder if its so
bad. I find myself imagining things like baby names and candid pregnancy
pictures. I know I'm not ready and still feel myself to be too young.
But I just wonder......

If I was financially set I would. I feel embarrassed that I barely have
settled into my 20s and I imagine family life. Is it so wrong? Girls
much younger than me are rearing children.

Maybe im an old young soul or the other way around.


Me? A mom? =D

Is it sad that I can't see passed the image of me being alone or just
the face of reality.


I hate feeling this way.....
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Image Questionaire

The answers I googled in picture form to the following questions.

And I am sooo serious these are the pictures that came up

My name is :

((Kinda makes you wonder what my name is, and its not Sex or Trio))

My favorite place in the world is:

I am passionate about:

Place I live:

My bestfriends name is:

My dream job was:

Some day I want to :

My imaginary kids names are:

Growing Up

Okay, so its been awhile... I know

I just want to clear up a few things that has happened

1. I no longer like the girl at work because she is an extreme annoying flirt. Found this out via myspace. Cute, nice smile, but so no where my type (personality wise)

2. Jay (the ex) is taking more of a stand in my life since we broke up. And so is an old highschool friend (R) and an old JHS associate (F)

(F) is really cool, different and weird in a good way. She luckily understands that I'm not trying to jump into a relationship or bed with the next person who shows interest.

(R) knows I'm not trying to even go in that direction, lets not mention the fact that she has a kid, a fiancee, and a baby father. I know I'm a lesbian and we attract drama, but there is a time and place when you should just say no and enjoy what there is to have. She's really cool too though and is a Cancer like me. Our personalities mesh really well, but our situations dont. lol

(Jay) has been surprising. I mean, I am no longer dying inside like I was before. I guess I did kind of healed a little. I dont want to even think about her being with another girl though. I mean we were together for 3yrs! The longest relationship I've ever had! But I guess time will fix things, no matter in what way. She has been great though considering the bumpiness and break up we went through. Hmm....

3. I'm so not into moving into a relationship anytime soon. I mean, I want love, but who doesnt. Yet, I'm in no rush to find out that so and so may not be ready to take it so serious because they are young or anything around those lines.

4. I GOT A NEW APARTMENT!!!! I gave myself til Dec 15, and thats the day I moved in. I know some people thought it impossible because I had set this goal on December 3. But dammit, I gets what I wants and I wants what I gets!

My mom has been taking me shopping and giving me her stuff to survive on. I went 200$ worth of food shopping and my refrigerator lok like it only had 5 things in it. I was like WTF Where did all the food go?! I guess thats how it goes.

I cant wait til our Christmas Break to spend time at my new house. I'm not looking forward to a roomie though anymore. Its a shared apartment and she has't moved in yet (they actually havent picked a person yet (the owners)) Hopefully she is cool and 420 friendly, cuz ever since I came back from Florida, I have been appreciating the natural herbs. Not often though, I'm far from a Weedhead and never plan to be. But I am definately not prejudice for the ones who appreciate a smoke here and there.

Anyway I am at my Devil Wears Prada Job. Will blog back if i can :-P

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Names and more Names

I'm having a lesbian moment and need to bubble out all these favorite things of mine:

Favorite couples:

Bette and Tina (The L Word)

Michelle Rodriguez and Kristanna Loken

Carmen and Shane (The L Word)

Lucy & Rachel (Imagine Me and You)

Some Movies:


Imagine Me and You

Show me love - Not widely known but a very good movie

Lost and Delirious


When night is falling


But I'm a Cheerleader

Hmm... thats all i can think of....

Here's some women I dream about


Lena Headey

Piper Perabo

Jennifer Beals

Sarah Shahi

Rose Rollins

Kirsten Stewart

Michelle rodriguez

Kirstanna Loken

Natalie Portman

LolZzz I think thats about it.....

I'm bubbling over right now.
And I've even been feeling the mommy blues

I like the name Atreyu like the Neverending Story for a boy

Junvier- French pronounciation of Guiniviere

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Apartment visits in Brooklyn

I just came back from seeing 4 places. The first loft I went to smelled
like crack and Ravioli. I don't know what crack smells like, but that
place was a good start to figuring it out. It looked like a whole bunch
of homeless people cut out big pieces of cardboard and called it a room.
I was quite disgusted.

The 2nd loft wasn't bad, it had a musical artsy feel. The rooms also
were cardboard cut outs but more habitable. It wasn't soo bad and I
cudve dealt with it jus fine.

The 3rd loft reminded me of the Myans and their Pueblos. I think it was
the Myans, do correct me if I'm wrong. It was a cut out space with loft
bed room.

The 4th place was an apartment share, and I thought it was gonna be a
hell no rite away, but I ended up loving it! I mean, don't get me wrong,
the outside did look like Hurricane Katrina passed through. I was
hesitant 2 even go inside. Actually it reminded me of the movie Vampire
in Brooklyn with Eddie Murphy. He lived in some cracked up hood, and
buildin but his place looked like a manhattan suite.

Anyway, today, over 5 men tried to talk to me in a matter of 2hrs. It
was soo annoyin but it was a comfort that they didn't scream "Yo ma!".
Maybe men are starting to learn that courtesy os the best attention
getter, or maybe it was just too damn cold outside to stop and get a
number. I vote for the latter. LoL.. Damn 2morro is monday. Booo

I hope I get chosen for the place cuz my credit is shit.

Friday, December 5, 2008

T.G.I.F & U.F.I's Oh My


I barely need a day in of rest, which makes me kind of glad to be hosue sitting for my grandmother. My mothers hosue is soo noisy I never feel like I get a complete nights worth of rest. I hope today wont seem slow. My bestfriend Tai wants to go out to some lesbian get together after work. I kinda do and dont want to go. I wont want to go because I'm lazy and tired and dont feel like waiting in the ood part of Queens for a bus, and I do wanna go because I know I need to get out the house, desperately. I know after a hard break up staying in the house and eating Kool-Aid sugar is not the best or healthiest thing to do, but sometimes you have to indulge.

Anyway, there is this woman that works next door me, I wont say any names. But she is soo funny and I find her so cute. everyone next door looks like a model, but she looks more like the short cute model, the little sister they took in or something even though she is an adult lol. Anyway, I want to know if she's gay or open minded and its hard because I only see her in passing. And when we do talk, I manage to say stupid shit like

ex: "I would rather get an infection then go downstairs to use the bathroom".

That is not something you say to someone you're interested in the 2nd time you talk to them!!! I wanted to slap myself so hard. Now every time she looks at me she's going to think I'm the girl who voluntarilly gets Urinary Tract Infections.

Anywhoo..... Will blog more later, time to look on Craigslist for more Loft Shares.

Peace Out

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A Morning Craigslist Rant

So for the first time ever, I posted a Singles ad on Craigslist. I even added a picture of myself, which was pretty freakin scary considering the huge or shud I say small lesbian network here in New York. But before I did that, i took a quick peek at the other listings, hoping to see what's out there in the word of CL. To my disgust and simple agony, I was ashamed to see just a bunch of fat skanky ass, and dried up looking breast. I barely saw anyones face unless they were licking their own tit. The women in The Feminist Movement are probably doing back flips in their graves right now. But I digress....

Out of every 20 ads, only one would ask for simply friendship and whatever else came after. Unfortunately most of those had no pics, and I've been fooled by a few men whose names are supposingly Karen and Kim.

So, finally, I just said fuck it, and became a craigslist statistic. Being a nonconformist, I wore clothes in my pic. So, I got a few responses and responded back to everyone. I'm not picky, choosy and I dont discriminate. You may find your bestfriend out there ya know. But i must admit, someone did peek my interest a bit *wink*

Oh and further news.....
Last night, I went to get tested, especially since it was Aids Awareness Day, which i missed. Sitting in the waiting room to find out my result is the most nerve wrenching thing I've practically ever been through, and I've been through quite a few things. Of course the results were negative for HIV/Aids, but it defiantely made me realize, just because I dont have HIV/AIDS does not mean its not my problem also. I want to do more to help if I can.

The whole time I was sitting there, I was thinking, OMG if I am positive, I'm totally gonna off myself . And I definately wanna live, so I can go hiking, and backpacking and travel. There needs to be more done!

Okay, will blog more later out of boredom.

Peace & Love

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I Guess an Introduction is Appropriate

SoO.. Where to start, I guess the beginning is always good.

I am 20yrs old, a "neohippie" as I've been frequently called, (since when does tree hugging and not littering make you a hippie, lol) oh and did I forget to mention I'm a big old lezzie. Yes, I looove the ladies! Unfortunately, I love them a little too much and have put out a lot of energy to stop myself from flirting.

Anyway, this is my 2nd blog; the last one was full of alot of sadness and bipolarness that resulted from alot of misunderstandings in a past relationship.

Either way, I will keep this blog happy, realistic and audience approved. LMaO, who am I bullshitting!

Currently, I am at work, which will probably be my hotspot since I dont get any privacy at home. I am looking for a new apartment here in Brooklyn,NY.

There is actually a really cute place i saw, it was soo hmmm... me.

Yes, I know theres is a bath tub randomly in the room, but imagine, sitting in the tub, watching Spongebob, and eating ice cream... Still not appealing, ok how about this, imagine that hot girl sitting in the tub, watching Spongebob and eating ice cream, while your watching her from your bed. She doesnt even have to walk far to start doing the dirty things your mind had imagined.

Whatever..... Anyway, to continue with my admiration of this cutesy room... It has a cool, free spirited theme and possibility going on. I refuse to use the word hippie although it does best decribe the place. I cant help but to imagine all the possible weed and club light gatherings I'd like to have, especially since there is a skylight above that I can open up. .. **Dazed**

But for now...... I gotta first see if I like the place, this is just a craigslist pic. We already know how fucked up people can be on Craigslist, especially those so called Missionaries in Africa who just happened to have the key to a nice cheap ass place located in the middle of Soho. They are getting more clever by the way people. BeWaRe....

Hate those sons of bitches...

The first time I got one of those I was like "What the fuck?!" and I actually thought about it for a hot moment, and was like NAaaahhh... Boy O Boy can I be a naive asS. I can admit that..

Its 4'oclock and only two hours left..... Time sure does fly.....kinda